Time flies

The constant battle between my heart and head shows how much of a thinker I am. Thinking from all perspective I could think of is what I do everyday. Decision-making is not easy especially when it involves something major. My friend claims I am too much of a complex thinker even for a simple matter. I dont think I am that bad. But yeah I agree I do think a lot. So, in the short stay here I decided the place I am living currently is not for me. Why? Because I didn't like it. I didn't like my roommate who would only speak to me if she feels like speaking, the creaking bed that makes noise every time I move, the non-existent fan, the non-friendly family that renting out the room, and their messy refrigerator and of all the walk I have to do everyday passing a huge 4 lane road. I just didn't like it. But today morning as I walked the usual path, I was greeted good morning by the slightly hunching old woman, with pleasant smile holding her breakfast and newspaper, made me to rethink of my decision. I have grown to like the place. I know I would not have such cute old ladies wishing me good morning at my previous place in Brickfields. I might come across ladies who is in pissed off mode all the time. Anyway, its too late to change my mind either. Going back to the notorious city I lived in. OH and I got internet at that place. Hehehe. Well, all I gotta wish is all is well. Anyway I have not posted anything in detail about my UK experience or the 5 European country I visited. I solemnly swear my next post will be about my 10 adventurous months.

I DRAMA A LOT. Don't read.

So, today, to make my day wonderful, my boss just decided to scold me for what I will say not my mistake. When you are not organised, of course mistakes happen. I am here, newly, with 0 working experience, to learn but here they assume I know whatever they think I would know. I know I am learning, but haish..and they go on like every law firm is like this. Being organised is the key to everything. The PCs here doesn't work the way it supposed to. Can't even set the time then how am I to keep track? By my mind? Wonderful. I was smiling when he scolded, I guess that's my mechanism to not cry or feel down quickly. Haish. A bad day. Oh..I got my first pay today. A supposed to be happy day but turned out the opposite.

Hazy Mind

Sipping my nescafe, sitting in the office trying to help everyone and act busy at the same time to not get caught in their stressful drama, my mind is running wild with so many thoughts. So disturbed I am. By what? By everything? Am I happy? I don't know? Is my work by any chance helping people? IDK. Is this firm being fair, that is to not take unfair cases? IDK. Does the guy who used to call and text me everyday even bother my existence? IDK. Does the guy who I sort of liked even think about me? IDK. No hope in career, no hope in love life but thank god blessed with the best family and bffs. I am at the point in life where I need guidance so much. May be going with the flow is not really the good idea forever. Though I don't anticipate how my life going to be in future, at the same time I don't want to get caught up doing something which I don't really enjoy or passionate about. Passion...yes passion.. I am literally so jealous of people who could point out at one interest and say that's my passion. So what am I passionate about? Being so much of a neutral individual is no good to a certain point. There must be clear choices of what I like and what I don't. Guess there is so much more to explore to come clear with my own-self. Its like being guilty to myself that I have so much of unanswered questions and I have no means of knowing answer to my questions. As if my thoughts are not complicated enough, my soul is yearning to get out of the country and start from level 1. Start what tho? IDK. How do I find a way out? I feel trapped. Work is from 9 to 6. I am coming here at 8.30 as if it's my own office. Then once I go back, I am so tired, I sleep so early. Its so early that even I can't believe that's my sleeping time. I have no time for anything. Is this why I gotten myself a degree? I have no idea. Yes no idea. Confused mind. Trapped soul. Oh yeah..and my never ending dilemma with vitiligo. Life life life...so life for adult is like this? I am disapproving this.

A quick HIIIII!

The wise always say that we will only appreciate something in the absence of it. No truer words would have spoken about my state right now than this. I really miss the 10 months I spent in UK. It was wonderful. Well, this is supposed to be a quick hi to my blog that nobody reads, but that does not mean I don't enjoy pouring out my heart. Hehe. So yea, it have been almost a month since I returned. Memories of UK is still so fresh and haunting. The feeling of wanting to return is immense but I am in no position to return, well financial wise. I made a mistake, should have find someone there, if you know what I mean. LOL! The main reason I want to go back is...hmm..pretty tacky here...well..I feel accepted for the first time. There are no weird stares, no kids pointing out to you, and there are even people who think you look good. Isn't it heaven! Well well and well..now I am in Petaling Jaya, Malaysia, sitting down in a law office, and researching some case with alien terms. My lovely dad found me a job so fast that I had no proper break but its good in a way I guess. Tho, a corner in mind always pop up this question of 'what are we all rushing for? like seriously for what? money?'. So, I have decided to go with the flow of life. Will update more in this weekend. Now I am a working lady you see. I sleep early, wake up early, and trying to be like an adult. But to be honest, idk how to be an adult. Hardest thing ever. The only thing I properly do is to pay adult's price for whatever tickets I am purchasing!

#unrelated but I miss doing nothing :P