I think its about happiness

Its funny to think about how my mind works. If I am sad or feeling like ranting out, that's the only time I will think about blogging. At the end, most of my blog posts are sad! I am a happy person, full of life but all that time I don't think about blogging or sharing my experience. If there is something bugging my head like worries, confusion, care or anything, just name it, I can write about it for pages. So, I decided to share the moments of my life that I felt precious. I was so happy, even to think about it, it draws a smile on my sleep-deprived face. 

The first one cannot be a moment thing. It's my life. I love being with my family. They bring me so much of happiness. My mom's beary hugs, my dad's sense of humor and my sister's cheekiness and last but not the least, my brother, whenever he is back from holidays, his manja fights with us. The liveliness of the family when all of us are around is different level. I am glad my parents decided to have 3 kids, I can't imagine how boring it can be being the only child. Our restaurant is our second home. Life is so colourful at home. Though its pretty much a routine like life, being with the people you love is what matters the most.

So, now lets try to think about some happy moments that happened while I was in UK. Oh well! This is a totally happy news but....I was not there with them to share the happiness. I was away, alone and depressed. he he a bit of exaggeration there, but its okay. My brother finally graduated. Now he's a qualified doctor. I was so happy for him. I almost could feel the lightness in my dad's heart and the happiness flooding my mom. What a feeling it must be to see your hardwork turning out well. I told them to take the family photo only when I am back to sit proudly in our hall. 

OK OK. Let's think about UK. There is no particular day, I was extremely happy. Generally I am a happy person. But to point out to one particular day..hmm I can't seem to find any. I am still single, sad and alone. HAHAHA. I just finished watching fifty shades movie, the most anticipated movie. It was not that bad. The first novel was the least favourite among the trilogy, so its very unlikely for me to love the movie. It is watch-able. All that was running through my mind is. Oh GOD...Its February.. I am getting so old..Am I going to die single. I had become singlophobic. A new word. Well, to be honest, there is no such phobia, its just that I want to know how it feels like to be in love, to have someone for you and you know. I think my prince lost his horse and also his ability to run. So, he is taking a slow walk I assume. :)

Otherwise, life is good. Happy family. Loving bffs. Just if I have extra $$$$, life will be extra good :)

Thoughts..

Posted the last on 2013. MIA for a year. WOW. How did time pass so quickly?
Growing old too quick..and now its 2015. While I still remember ranting about my degree choice, now I am in final year. While sitting in my room, hearing the sound of cold wind, thinking about what a big leap my life took compared to a few months ago, I cant stop but to wonder if life will end even before I realise. I barely can feel the time passing. Its way too fast! Last year at this time, probably I was sitting at my home wasting time or attending class in KL, and today I am wide awake at 5.13am mentally recapping my eventful night at LONDON. Yes, you read that right. I am in LONDON. Yet there is no much excitement as much as even my capital letters show. I am here since September 2014. Miss home yet love the new place. But the little child in me is quite dead due to the 360 degree changes in my life. All this while, I was living in a protected environment, naive heart, matured thoughts, good people, well to simplify it, an angelic world. Coming here i realised how delusional had I been. Practically blind of my surroundings. Reminds me of a popular tamil saying, "everything in white is not milk". Now I am hanging out in a different league of people. I prefer my old companies back in Malaysia, but through this people I learned alt as well. Though all they talk about is having fun and how to get a chick or kiss a guy and etc, it's nice to listen to them talking, its like a glimpse of their thoughts and how their minds work.

In this short period of stay in UK, I have had done things that I never imagined doing. I love being adventurous and to try out new things. So far no regrets. The thoughts of family's love always runs in the mind. Thus, I had not done anything that makes me to regret for life. Drunken mistakes. Tho I am a born-rebel now I am different level rebel. LOL

More to come.

TWINS separated at birth!

I thought of writting about this very special friend of mine, so here I am.. 

She calls me kutty, makes sure i am well-fed always, she thinks i am preety oh well she goes a little too much by saying i look like nazriya (trust me i dont look like her at all).. She is just like my other half who got place in my heart real quick. It is as if i am her twin sister but too bad she is a year elder than me. 

Coming to Brickfields, thinking that my life have gone way too miserable, doubting my every actions if it would backfire me, I was really really a big mess. I got out of the hell in good terms and got myself a place in a ladies hostel. I was so lost but I found immense freedom and I started to learn to be on my own. To be frank,  I was feeling very lost at first. I never even had the time to recover from my previous deep wound and then i am in a notorious city all on my own. And then I got to know there is this one girl from my moral studies class staying in this hostel too. I tagged along with her. She was so nice to me. Being an ordinary human being, during my miserable times i was not in good terms with god, rather than showing him love I always begged him to save me. God being God showed me his love by sending me this angel. An angel to be with me. I felt His love through her's.

Her name is Nivea. As the way her name sounds, yes she is a very pretty girl. Really really pretty but she will never admit. What makes her even more beautiful than everyone else is her personality and character. She is just a year elder than me but, she treats me as if i am her little sister. Its going to be year since  I know her, trust me its so beautiful. Everytime i go back home and story my mom, i will at least mention more than 10 times. We spend most of our time together except for class time. We always have our meals together and spend time in the hostel study room every night. Oh yeah, the night guard hates us. :P.. Well you know.. GIRLS! Non-stop talking and laughing till the wee hours. We have never run out of topic to talk. Silence is only when we are studying but we even have break during that time. 

Its very weird how even our voices sound very much alike in recordings. Not only that, generally we think alike in all the matters. May be thats why we can understand each other so well. There have never been disputes, but there is lots of understanding. I really love her as one of my family, like a sister from another mother. I must be so thankful to GOD for sending me an angel to go through this life even more beautifully and meaningfully. 

Nivea, if you are reading this, let me tell you, although I may fail to express my love in person, deep inside I love you as one of my closest person to heart. I never want to lose you..

I am the tall one and you are the short one..hehehe ;)

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” 

~ Elbert Hubbard~

Tired..

I am tired, not physically but emotionally. I am torn so severely. Too much of things raping my mind every now and then. I dont even know where to start..its just a lot. But I know I will manage because thats me. When it comes to LOVE, even the strongest ones go weak. Hey I am not talking about the love where two young people are involved. The Love I am talking about is the elementary ones. The one you yearn from your parents, siblings and friends. I am so glad that I am gifted with loving people around me but then sometimes all this loving people can cause severe pain too because to much of expectation from my side. I am slowly learning to expect less or even better no expectation. I am a favourite of many but I am the least favourite among their favourites. I know this very well. As for me, I am not close with everyone but if I am, I give them the same importance to them as everyone else. And again my family deserves a special position in my heart, higher and above all my friends. Rejection or fear of rejection is nothing new for me. But the pain of going through it still the same. Well, I fought with mom today -_-... I dont want to rant about the other stuffs that going through my mind. Anyways, all will be well...I hope.

STRONG

Having a wide smile, and jovial character helping me very much to stay strong even blow after blows to my heart. Everything started when my earring got lost, correction-stolen. I think the earring was my lucky charm, now everything seems so jinxed. After that unfortunate incident, my beloved baby, Manickam, being my loyal companion for 1 and half year died in the most tragic way. I cant even find words to describe my state. I saw him dying by suffering right in front of my eyes. I was so helpless, all I could was to cry. I called the vet, my dad and everybody but he cant be saved. He was forming bubbles kinda saliva in his mouth excessively, shaked so much that it could be heard so loudly. Finally he died before urinating in his position. All I could do was sit by his side and cry. A fellow, I love so much, died right in front of my eyes and I couldn't do anything. I patted his head and told him "Manickam, akka love you so much". The lights in his eyes faded and then it was gone. This was the first time, a soul is dying in front of me. It was too painful to take. I wonder what kind of human can do this to a poor dog. He cant even be human. A satan in human mask.

He died on 17th July and 18 my results were coming out. I was so confident that I would be able to pass all as I put my efforts all and this is nothing compared to STPM that was much more freaking hard. Little I did think about hypocrites, backstabber, cheaters and greedy people. I assumed wrongly that there will be no unfair situations which I faced a lot during my public exams. Tadaaa! I was wrong. This greedy people of my college failed me in 2 papers which I was very confident about in the mark of 38 (the passing mark is 40) and they increased the resit payment from rm150 to rm350. The beauty in this is they failed 90% of us in at least a subject. Most probably they are sucking money from us to recover from the expenses they spent for the new building I assume. But what they did was very wrong, and the worst part is we cant question them. But then, bitches there is something called karma. I will grab my popcorn, sit back and enjoy the show when it is your turn.

After all these unwanted incidents, I am being normal as it is my only option. Having positive vibes when you lose someone dear to you is not easy, but I am definitely trying. I wonder sometimes, why everything happens to me but then again I console myself that everything happens for a reason. I prayed and asked for guidance and strength to face all these. Hopefully, HE heard me. I am just slightly tired. But I am still strong. I got no choice but to be strong. I am aint a failure or a loser. I will come back stronger and will make you to regret. And now I have to face the book and put pen to the paper and practise myself!