Realization

I am currently in no mood to write about my UK adventure. The only proper reason why I want to write about it is because I want to remember every detail of it without alteration of my memory due to time and emotional changes. Screw it. I will do it another time. Today, what I want to write about is...realization..realization upon how the world revolves..well more to the people to be honest. I am turning 23 soon. I am a Malaysian. All my life I had been in Malaysia grewing up in a small town, except for the last 10 months and a few trips here and there. I could almost definitely say, good things only happen to good looking people. I was diagnosed with vitiligo as early as in my schooling life. Barely 10 years of age, unaware of that white dots on my feet gonna bring any changes in my life, I grew up positively. I bow down to my parents for my life for bringing up me, in a very confident manner. I do not think it is possible to be the way I am without my parents..especially my dad. My mom had always been the worrying one but we (my siblings and I) were brought up equally. My dad is a far thinking man. Okay back to the focus of my topic. Yes. So everything revolves around looks. ALL people care about is looks. ALL they wanna spend is for looks. They wanna make friend with you because you look good. Trust me, I am in my twenties and never once I was proved I am wrong in my thinking.

For an instance, try scrolling down your facebook newsfeed. "16 summer looks", "dramatic eyes", "how to achieve your bikini body goal", "tips for smooth skin", "woman spent .....to look like....". Apart from the political and usual uberfacts and all, all people care about is looks. So, having a major flaw in the skin department, always had been an issue in my life. As much as I hate it, dislike it, deny it, it is part of me. I am still not able to come into terms with my vitiligo. But more than that, I hate, yes I hate, hate is a strong word but I hate when you are so shallow minded and all you could notice in me is my vitiligo. "oh dear you will be so pretty if you dont have this vitiligo". I don't know is it? Do you really have to remind me? You see, this is how I look. If u dont like how I look, honestly its not my problem, its yours. Plus, when you live in Malaysia, I have to say resting bitch face is like a reward. A reward that you should use well. If you have a bokana face, every Meenama, Aminah, Chong Poi will come and suggest you what medicine to use. All are self-claimed doctors. I know you are trying to help and all, but when you yourself do not know what is it and with itty bitty knowledge you have, you come and ask me to apply every silliest thing that could come up in your mind? This reminds me of the 10 peaceful months I had in England. Everybody asked me why do you like England that much? Isn't it expensive? And I told 'em, "I felt accepted for the very first time in my life, apart from family and my bff, people hardly made me feel accepted. Awkward stares, the stories behind you, being known as 'the girl with white spots", No I am not happy with that. People gave zero fucks about how I looked and what I did when I was there. Isn't it the most peaceful form of life?