Disappointment

Well, this serves as my first post for the year of 2012 and its March so fast..yes March!! I weren't too busy to update my blog but I was lazy ( I admit it :P). At last, these holidays i were waiting eagerly for last year were not up to my expectation. I finished my school and fuck yea no more returning to school and I will never. 7 years of high school is more than enough. My sixth year there was to complete my STPM which stands for Sijil Tinggi Pelajaran Malaysia. Life during STPM was so challenging and seriously it was an uphill task. 

STPM is just for 1 and half year but the lesson I learnt throughout that short period of time is just "wow! incredible!" kinda reaction, that much we had to study. The life at school, distinct uniform compared to other kids, loving teachers, irritating teachers, excited kids with hormonal problems and  the responsibility we all had made me matured. Formal education and indirect informal education I would say. I believe its for our own good. When I was a fifth former, little knowledge I had about the school system but in form 6 everything was so happening in front of my eyes. When it comes to academic, we can see how lazy are some of the teachers and also contradict to these lazy teachers there were a few who were very responsible and concerned teachers. Most of my classmates and I had tuition classes for each subject we are sitting for the exam. So, life was hectic..very hectic in fact.

In my entire life, I never touched book that much before, but for STPM i struggled to thrive for the best. I didn't want to disappoint my parents and I don't want all my travels, expenses and efforts to go to drain just like that. Until my trial exam, I maintained good marks in all subjects. Although I fall in sick often, I never fail very badly like others did. I managed to score around a CGPA of 3 and above for my trials. Myself and my bestie did a lot of last minute group discussion and everything. We had high hopes for our results since we believe we done very well. Even when we checked our answers there were a lot of corrects compared to the mistakes. After my exam, the results came out on 7th March.

During that fateful day, all of our friends gathered in school early. Of course we were excited to collect our results. Results were out at 12.30pm sharp. SHIT! What a disappointment it was. When I looked at my results, I knew that is not what I deserve for. I was blank for a while. Surrounding me nearly everybody was sad and a few were crying. Many thoughts running in my mind and I remembered what my friend told me when I told her about my decision to go for STPM. She said "Hey gal, you better think twice before entering. No matter how hard you study, the higher people is capable of manipulating the results". I shrugged off her advise as it sounds demotivating. But it was seriously frustrating to see all my efforts are being flushed this way. For a few days, I was really very angry. I couldn't take it. How they can do this to people who study well. Fine, I am not any bumiputera or anything but seriously that's not my results, its my life, my future, still the education ministry can play with lives of young students like me. Isn't it ridiculous for 90% of the class to fail in Mathematics including top students? Yes, that's what happened. 

Now, when my STPM result is fucked up dat way (from 3.2 to 2.33) which is very much frustating and hurting, answering people about the result is the second hurtful thing. People just don't get it. Its even more hurting when the people are member of your own family. Yes. It happens. Since it was my ambition to become a pharmacist from form 4, I couldn't change my mind. That's so painful to see when you never meet the criteria. If I wana continue to do B.Pharm, I have to go through foundation in Science. My family is underestimating that I can't do well if I choose pharmacy. They think its too hard for me and I should go for something like IT and etc. But seriously IT is not my league. How am i to deal with codes daily when i hate those signs in maths even. I can struggle to study something I like but not struggling for something I hate. At last I got to convince my parents that I can go for pharmacy, so, they are like Okay with mix feelings.

Disappoinment is what I end up with STPM. Government should guide the markers strictly. Now look at me and my classmates. All of us end up with frustration. I will never ever suggest STPM to anybody. Its better for you people to save time and go for private. Your effort will be paid off for sure. My state now is too confused to explain. I have appealed for a recheck. I hope there will be changes. If not, hurmm..I will go through foundation. Never in my life I regretted for something this much except my STPM results. For SPM its totally different story since I never bothered to study much. But STPM...hurmm.. I m lost of words.. but I can say FUCK YOU STPM!! You made my life miserable!